I prefer to stay home with the kids and not go to work but it is so emotionally and mentally draining at times due to having to be “on” constantly throughout the day. There are mini breaks here and there, yes, but not huge blocks of time when I’m not serving the needs of my children or cleaning up after everybody else in the house. It’s a lowly job at times and makes me feel small in my purpose. I know about the whole bigger purpose of raising children with love and care and humor but there are just times when you feel invisible, just a robot running in the background making sure everything is going well, kids are fed and educated, they’re happy, the house is clean, the pets have also been fed and the litter box cleaned out. It’s endless. And by the end of each day I’ve done so much but some days I don’t feel fulfilled. No big “hurrah!”

I”ve been trying to fit in some personal activities into my daily schedule to feel human again like working out, learning online, doing more writing, posting on this blog. There’s so much more I want to do but it’s been hard to find the time for me to be productive and intentional. A few minutes here and there are not enough for focused, thinking time. So many distractions from the kids and animals then it’s time to make lunch or dinner and some other thing.

The real only solution is to go to bed early with the kids so I can get enough sleep to wake up a few hours before they do and get some good productive time in, while I’m still fresh and have a lot of brain energy. It’s just so lame to just veg and watch Netflix for hours before bed. None of that I even remember the next day really.