We renewed our kids’ passports today. It hit me sometime last month that I should check our passports to see if they’re all still valid. One expired a few weeks prior, and the other showed it would lapse in January next year.

We currently do not have any plans on flying anywhere, especially outside the country. Still, it’s always good to have these documents prepared. Especially for us, since I usually decide to go on international trips at the drop of a hat. One time, I discovered an expired passport amongst us at the airport, on the day of our cross-oceanic flight. Luckily that time, I was able to get an expedited appointment at the San Francisco Passport Agency the next day and was on a plane out of the country later than evening.

Those were the days, I hear. Same-day service is unheard of now. I’ve recently read about other people’s distressing stories of not attending a family member’s wedding or a funeral abroad due to not getting a valid passport in time.

We were asked if we wanted expedited service, a $60 extra charge to the regular passport fees. We declined as we weren’t in any rush. They said we should expect to receive the new passports in 18 weeks. Who talks in 18 weeks? Only women who are pregnant count in weeks like that. Even after the baby is born, I stopped counting in weeks after the 2nd month. Eighteen weeks? Really?

I turned to my husband, perplexed. “How many months is that??”

The US Postal Worker responded, “Five months.”

Wow. What the fuck. “And expedited service takes how long?”

“Twelve weeks.”

Damn. COVID’s really got the world by the balls.